Over at The Green Bathtub Amy L. Sonnichsen is hosting a crazy-fun blog hop wherein we all go back to our teenage journals and share some embarrassing poetry, prose or other silliness. Lord but there’s a lot to be embarrassed about in my high school journal and very little to be proud of, but I AM kind of proud of this ABC of insults I created, which my journal tells me was directed at a certain boy (of course).
So here they are: (warning – explicit language)
ASSHOLE BASTARD CUNT DINK EGOMANIAC FUCKHEAD GARGOYLE HIGH-MUCK-A-MUCK (see dictionary is my note) IGNORAMUS JAVA-MAN KAFTAN-WEARER (akin to quiche-eater, I tell myself. Possibly a very 80s term that has been lost in the mists of time) LASERBRAIN (ah, Star Wars…sigh) MEATHEAD (Another pop culture reference, this time from All in the Family) NEANDERTHAL OGRE PRICK QUASIMODO (See The Hunchback of Notre Dame) ROMAN COW (see script for Woody Allen’s What’s Up Tiger Lily) SCHWINE HUNDT (Pig Dog – see German English Dictionary) THICK-AS-TWO-SHORT-PLANKS-NAILED-TOGETHER UNWASHED VACUOLE (See Biology text under paramecium) WORM XENON (see periodic table of the elements) YAWS (see medical text for symptoms) ZINJANTHROPUS MAN
Now that I have shared this list with the world I feel I should make some apologies. Firstly to prehistoric humans, Java- man, Neanderthal and Zinjanthropus Man (now known as Paranthropus Bosei). It’s completely unfair to use these names as insults for modern people. I have a deep and abiding respect for pre-humans now, so much so that I named my daughter after one (Lucy, an Australopithecus afarensis). Secondly I should apologise to Quasimodo and everyone with a spinal deformity. It’s not cool to use disabilities as insults. Check out
for more on that.
I will say, though, that I’m pleased to note I neither used the pejorative ”retard” which was very common at the time, or “fag”, also an 80s favorite. I’m pretty sure I used those words in speech as a teen but I remember being schooled about “fag” by an older gay friend one day at a party and I never used it that way again.
XENON by the way, is a colorless, odorless highly nonreactive gas. YAWS is a skin disease. And I, as a teen, was clearly a Meathead.